Silent tears
by romanoew
Summary: "You must tell him, Lee." LEAH is pregnant with Sams baby. This story happens before Twilight, but the Cullens are in Forks. So Sam is a werewolf. More info inside. R&R. Leah POV. Rated T to be safe. SM owns everything.
1. Silent tears

Author: romanoew/Ew

Title: Silent tears

Summary: Before Twilight. Leah and Sam are still together. Leah is pregnant, with Sams baby (of course), but Leah hasn't told him yet. When Leah tells Emily, she comes to La Push to comfort Leah, but instead of drying Leahs tears, she breaks her heart. I think you can guess how..

Characters: Leah, Sam and Emily. It's always in Leahs POV, if I don't write anything else.

A.N.: I don't own anything, but the story. IT ALL BELONGS TO STEPHENIE MEYER. And yeah, English isn't my first language, so it can be some grammar and spelling mistakes. Please, review and tell me what you think and if I should keep writing this story. I love you all.

xx Ew

**OBS!** If you have read this before may 20th, you should read this again.. Because I change a lot of things. For example, the first two chapters became just one.

* * *

"What did Sam say?"

I took a deep breath before I answered.

"He didn't say anything,"

I swallowed.

"because I haven't told him yet."

I found out that I'm pregnant two weeks ago. I know I should've told my boyfriend as soon as I got to know it, but the truth is that I'm scared. He has been acting very strange recently. I mean, he's out all night - doing something he doesn't want to tell me, or his mom. He's tired all the time, of course.. And sometimes, he gets so angry because of the smallest little things that he didn't care about before. But now, it makes him so angry that sometimes, he's shaking and his brown eyes turn black. He has never been that kind of guy - that angry, violent type. He has always been nice, caring, funny and proper - mommys little boy. Sometimes it feels like I don't even know him, and we've been together for two years. And that scares me.

I know he would be a wonderful daddy. He's so good with the children at the reservation - he plays with them every time they want. Or, that's what he used to do, before he became weird. Maybe he doesn't like kids anymore. Maybe he doesn't want me to keep the baby. I guess that's why I haven't told him yet. I haven't told anyone yet. Except my second cousin, Emily.

I grew up with Emily, and even if she's just my second cousin, she's like my sister. I can talk to her about everything. She's the first person I called and talked to when Sam began to act this strange.. She's the one who comforted me and dried my tears, when I didn't know what to do then. She knows everything about my life, and I know everything about hers. That's why it felt so right, to tell her before I told Sam or my mom.

"You must tell him, Lee."

I had totally forgot that Emily still was on the phone.

"I know,"

I just don't know when.

"Do it as soon as possible."

I felt my eyes fill up with tears.

"I will.."

I just don't know what to say to him.

"Do you want me to come?"

I nodded, and silent tears started to stream down my face.

It took me a while to realize that she couldn't see me, so I took a deep breath and answered her with a broken voice.

"Yes, please. Come."

Emily can't do anything about this, but it would be so much better to have her with me.

A few hours later, I was in my room listening to music. I waited for Em to come, and I knew she would be here by any minute.

"LEAH!"

My mom called my name, and I guessed that Emily had come. The music was playing so high that I hadn't heard that someone had come. I paused it for a second.

"YEAH! What do you want?"

I heard someone walking in the hallway, towards my bedroom. A few seconds later, someone knocked on my door.

"Who's there?"

I know that I didn't had to ask, because it was Emily. I let the music play again. I laid in my bed, watching the ceiling and pretended that it was the sky, full with shining stars. I sang along with the band, and tried not to put my hands on my belly. It made me feel sick. I was so nervous about what to say to everyone. To Sam. To my mom. And dad, and Seth, and everybody else.

"Lee, can I come in?"

Emily. She was here. My savior. I turned the music off.

"Yeah."

She opened the door, walked in and closed it behind her. As soon as I saw her, I began to cry again. She walked towards me, and sat on the edge of my bed.

"No, don't cry, Lee."

She stroke my cheek, drying away the tears.

"Strong and big girls don't cry."

I looked at her - my sweet, caring sister. What would I do without her?

"That's it. I know you can do it. And you won't be alone. I'll be there, to make sure of it."

I just nodded, knowing that I couldn't make a sound with my voice right now.

"Let me see you smile, Lee. Smiley smiley."

I did my best to smile, but it ended in a grimace. At least, I didn't cry anymore.

Emily laughed, and I joined her. Everything seemed so easy with her, even the hardest things.

"Thanks,"

I sat up in the bed, hugging her.

"for everything. I love you, Em."

I hugged her tightly.

"And I love you, Lee."

The next few hours we spent by catching up the latest news. When we was younger, we spent almost every weekend together. As we grew up and got more homework to do and boyfriends, we didn't have the time to see eachother that often anymore. Emily hadn't been here for almost two years, I've been the one who has come to her.

She told me about a guy she just had met.

"He seems nice. And he's good looking too, not that I care about it.. Anyway, he asked me to go out with him."

She sounded so happy when she said it. And I was happy for her. She have only had one boyfriend, and he was a jerk. I think it would be the only right, if she found a nice guy. I had Sam, and I wanted her to feel the same for another person, like I felt for Sam.

Sam is my everything. Before I was pregnant, he was my only reason for being. And now, he had given me another reason. I could already see our future together. Us, raising our baby together. While I was imagine my future, I smiled, wishing that Emily will get her own happy ending, like I got mine.


	2. Surprises

**A.N: As you can see, if you've read this story before today (may 20) - there's some changes. This is chapter 2, even if I posted a chapter 2 the other day. I decided to put the first and second chapter as one, and there's some changes and new stuff.. So, it would be good if you read the first chapter again, at least the end of it. That's all I wanted to say.**  
**This chapter took me the whole night to write, so I hope you enjoy it. Please review and tell me what you think about it.**

xx Ew

* * *

"Leah, Emily! Dinner's ready!"

We were in my room, watching TV, when my mom called from the kitchen. I wasn't hungry, so I ignored her.

"Leah, you really should eat something."

I looked at Emily.

"I'm not hungry."

Emily forced me to the kitchen, wanted me to try eating something. For the baby. My mom had made her delicious potato gratin. It's my favorite and I love it. But now, the smell of it made me sick. I couldn't walk into the kitchen, I had to turn back. I did it too fast, and I got a strange feeling in my belly. I was about to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom.

"Lee? Are you okay?"

Emily knocked on the door. I had my head in the toilet, so I couldn't answer her.

"Should I come in?"

No, Em. Please, stay there. I don't want you to see me like this.

Tears were streaming down my face again, and I couldn't do anything about it. I was a strong girl. I've always been. But now, hanging over the toilet, crying and throwing up, I felt weak.

"How is she?"

When I heard my moms voice, I realized that I had to tell her about my pregnancy. I couldn't keep it a secret for her anymore. But maybe I should tell Sam first. Or maybe it's better if my mom knows about it before him. I don't know.

When it felt like I was finished, I washed my hands and face, before brushing my teeth. It made me feel better. When I came out from the bathroom, I heard my mom and Emily from the kitchen.

"Maybe I should take her to the hospital."

My mom sounded worried. I didn't want to go back to the kitchen, in case that I would feel sick again. So I walked to the living room, to watch TV until they've finished eating.

When Emily came to the living room to watch TV with me, Project runway was about to begin.

"You don't even like this, Lee."

I looked at her.

"I know."

We were quiet for a minute or two.

"Your mom's only taking care of the dishes."

I didn't answer her. I just kept my eyes on the TV, without watching it.

"When she said she wanted to take you to the hospital, I told her there's no need for it. I said that you have something to tell her."

My mom knows. She must know. I mean.. I throw up, she wants to take me to the hospital because she thinks I'm sick, and then Em said that I've something to tell her. She knows I'm pregnant now, she must have figured it out.

I'm so scared. Terrified. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? What will she say? What will she think?

"She knows."

My voice was weak, and I wasn't even sure if Em had heard me.

I wasn't ready for this. Sam should be here holding my hand with both his. He should be here, smiling, when I tell my mom that she'll become a grandma. It feels so wrong. He should be the first to know about the baby. But he won't, because Emily already knows.. And probably my mom, too.

"It's okay, Leah. Calm down. I'm sure she won't bite you."

As I took a deep breath, I heard the water stop flowing in the kitchen.

_Calm down, Leah, Calm down. It's okay._

I repeated Ems words in my head.

_It's okay. Calm down._

When I heard footsteps towards the living room, I panicked.

"Just take it easy, and calm down."

When my mom walked into the room, and sat down in the other couch, I turned off the TV.

"Emily told me that you have something you want to say."

I tried to answer her, but I couldn't find my voice. It was gone.

"Leah?"

I nodded.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Emily asked, too quiet for my mom to hear.

"NO!"

All three of us startled by my protest. Well, at least, my voice was back.

Emily didn't say anything more, and neither did I or my mom. It was silent for a few minutes, before my mom opened her mouth again.

"Leah, what's going on?"

What should I say? I knew I hadn't the time to come up with anything good, so I decided to just tell her.

"I'm pregnant."

I looked at my mom, wanting to see her face.

"What did you say?"

She acted like she didn't hear me, but I know she did. She just couldn't get it into her head. Me, her 17year old daughter, was pregnant. It didn't exist in her world.

"Mom, I'm pregnant."

And then, my mom dropped her chin.

"You are WHAT?"

Her brown eyes had grown and were now twice as big as usually.

"Pregnant."

I smiled.

"How? When? Dear God.."

First, she looked confused. And then, she looked worried. She hid her face in her hands, shaking her head while she was mumbling something.

"I was right. Dear God, I was right.."

I and Emily looked at eachother, while my mom kept mumbling.

"I need to take her to the hospital. But not in Forks. No, not Forks. It's not that long to Seattle.."

Now, I'm the one to be confused. Hospital? Why? I'm just fine. Maybe she wants to know if the baby is alright. But it didn't seem right.

"We need to get over with it fast, so Harry won't get to know anything about it.."

What did she mean? Of course dad has to know that he's going to be a grandpa. Why should we keep it a secret? Sooner or later, he'll find it out anyway. I mean.. My belly will grow big.. and in a few months, I'll have a baby.

Then it said "click" in my head. I could almost hear it. The click.

But.. she couldn't mean it. She can't do that. No. No! It's my baby.

"It wouldn't do any good to his heart. It's already weak as it is. I tell him that I'm taking Leah and Emily out for a girlsnight in Seattle. Shopping.."

I felt the anger take over my body, and without thinking I stood up and walked towards her.

"You are NOT taking MY baby away from me!"

My mom looked at me, confused and scared.

"It's mine, and I want it!"

My mom was standing up now, too, taking a careful step towards me.

"Sweety.. You know it's for the best."

We were standing so close to eachothers now that I could touch her if I wanted to, but I didn't.

"You're too young to have a baby."

She reached out for me, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me. I am keeping this baby, mom."

Mom sat down on the couch again, looking up at me.

"Why, Leah? Why are you doing this to me?"

I didn't understand what she meant. Doing this to her? I didn't do this to punish her. It's not a punishment to become a grandma, it's a gift.

Before I got the change to say anything, my mom walked out from the room.

"I'm going to Billy."

Two minutes later we heard the door close with a bang.

"Bye mom."

I turned around to look at Em. She pointed at the phone on the coffee table.

"Call him."

I sighed, before I picked up the phone to call my boyfriend.

"Lee-Lee."

He answered the phone after just a few seconds. Very fast to be him. Lee-Lee , by the way, is his nickname for me. It's only he who calls me it. I don't let anyone else use it, because then it wouldn't be special when he says it. Emilys nickname for me is Lee, and everyone else call me just Leah.

"Sam. Can you come here, please?"

I bet he'll say he's busy, doing something he can't tell me. I hate those secrets.

"Has anything happen? Are you alright?"

I could hear by his voice that he was worried.

"Nothing has happened. Not exactly anyway. And I'm okay. Just come, please."

Now he'll say it - he's busy and he can't come.

But he surprised me.

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute."

He hung up.

"Is he coming?"

I sat down again, and put the phone back on the coffee table.

I could feel it take over me again. The panic. The fear that he would react exactly like my mom did. That he would want me to go through an abortion.

Em asked me the same question again, and this time I nodded.

"He's here in a minute."

She placed her hand on mine.

"Calm down, Lee. It's going to be okay."

I tried to do as she told me.

"Maybe I should go somewhere else.."

I looked at her.

"No, you don't have to. Stay here, watching TV or something. I'll take Sam with me for a walk."

And before Em got the chance to answer and protest, it knocked on the door.

"Oh, he's here already."

I got up.

"Stay here. Watch TV. Have fun. I'll be back soon."

I took a deep breath before walking out from the living room, towards the door.

"Good luck, Lee!"

I opened the door, and there he was, right in front of me. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead.

"You came here very fast."

I looked at him, kissed his cheek.

"Because I missed you so much!"

He laughed.

"I missed you too."

I kissed him again, but this time on his lips.

"Did you have something to tell me? Or did you just want to see me?"

And with that, he reminded me of what I had to do. I pulled out of his arms, taking his hand in mine instead.

"Let's take a walk."

Before closing the door behind me, I said bye to Em.

We walked hand in hand, in silence for a while. When we came to the end of the road, I stopped walking.

"I think this place is good enough."

He looked inquiringly at me.

"What do you mean?"

I looked at him. He was huge. I can't understand how he could grow so fast. It's like he had taken anabolic steroids, but I know he would never take those things.

"We need to talk."

As soon as I had said it, he got his sad face. It took me a few seconds to understand why.

"No, no. I didn't mean that. What I mean is that.. I have something to tell you."

He still looked sad.

"It's nothing bad. It's kind of good news.. I guess."

I smiled.

"Then, tell me what it is."

He smiled back at me, as he waited for me to say something. But how can I say it, so he won't react like my mom did.

"I just don't know how to tell you."

He raised his eyebrow, still waiting.

"Just split it out, honey."

The rain started to fall, and I knew I had to hurry if I didn't want to get sick.

"Ehm.. Okay.. I'm pregnant."

I said it in the same way I had told my mom, but I didn't care. If neither my mom or Sam wanted the baby, I could take care of it by myself. They can't force me to do anything I don't want to do, like an abortion.

I looked at him, trying to find his feelings in his face. But it was blank. Empty. We were just standing there, silent, in the rain. Nervous and full with fear, I waited for him to say something. Seconds passed, but it felt like years to me. Finally, he opened his month to speak.

"Pregnant?"

I nodded, still looking at his face. Still nervous. Still scared. But then, he smiled. I sighed of relief, before he took me in his arms and began to spin around with me.

We were both laughing. He was happy about the baby, and I was happy because he was.

"It's wonderful, Lee-Lee."

He kissed me, before he stopped spinning.

"I love you, Leah!"

He kissed me again, and again, and again.

"I love you too, Sam."

The rain was pouring now, and all of our clothes were wet. But it wasn't until I wasn't hugging him anymore that I realized that I was freezing.

"Come, we need to go home before you get sick."

He took me in his arms again and started to run back to my house.

He put me down in front of the door. I opened it, and walked in.

"EM! We're back."

Sam walked in behind me, and closed the door.

"Wait here, I'll go and get some towels."

I met Emily in the hallway when I was on my way to the bathroom.

"Oh my God! You're.."

"Don't tell me. I'm going to get some towels. Go and say hi to Sam."

I took my wet clothes off in the bathroom, and put them in the empty laundry basket. I took my bathrobe and put it on me. I grabbed a towel before I walked back to Sam, and Emily.

"Here you have!"

I threw the towel to Sam, but he didn't catch it.

"Sam -"

I stopped walking. I couldn't speak. Sam was standing in the hallway, looking at Emily, as he used to look at me. I had no idea what was happening, but I knew it wasn't anything good.

And somehow, I could feel it. I could feel my world falling apart.


	3. Give me some time

I still don't know if everyone of you have read the new first and second chapter, so before you read this: check it.  
I want to thank you everyone for your reviews, even if I think you could leave a few more. If you like this sotry and want me to keep writing it - tell me, so I know.

I love you!

xx Ew.

* * *

It's been a month since the day when my world fell apart and I lost my everything. I've felt so empty and lost this month, and I don't know what to do anymore.

The first week was the worst. I stayed in my room the whole time. I didn't eat or drink anything. My mom told my dad and brother about my pregnancy. My dad took it very good, much better than my mom had done at first. He wanted me to keep the baby, said it would be good for me. Seth, who's just 12, was happy too, but he thought he was too young to become an uncle. All three of them tried to talk to me that week, knocked on my door for hours even if they didn't get any respond from me.

But when I woke up on the 8th day, I was suprised. I was hungry. I went to the kitchen, to get something to eat. My parents sat at the table, eating breakfast. They didn't hear me coming.

"Ehm.. Morning."

My mom looked up at me, my dad continued to read the newspaper.

"Goodmorning Sweetheart. Do you want some breakfast?"

Mom smiled at me. I nodded and sat down beside my dad. He looked up from the newspaper.

"How are you doing?"

My mom gave him an angry glance, and I knew what she wanted to tell him.

_Don't get her upset when she finally wants to eat._

"I don't know."

I looked down at the table.

"Do you want some tea?"

I nodded. It would do good to my cold body.

When I finished eating and drinking my tea, I brushed my teeth and took a shower. When I had put new clothes on, my favorite sweat pants and a T-shirt, I heard the phone call. My mom answered, and I could guess who it was.

Emily had called me at least twice everyday since _it_ happened. She didn't care when my mom told her I don't want to talk to her. She never gave up.

I sighed while I walked to my bedroom.

"Leah.. Emily's on the phone."

I closed my door behind me.

"I don't want to talk with her!"

I sat on my bed for hours, until it knocked on my door.

"Who?"

"It's me."

My mom.

"Can I come in?"

Why can't they just leave me alone? I know they feel sorry for me, they all do. Mom, dad, Seth, Emily and.. Sam. They want to help me, want to make it easier. But there's nothing they can do. It's already done, it's already over. My life is over. My heart is broken. My world is black; there's no sun, no stars, no light.

I didn't only lose my boyfriend; the love of my life, the father of my baby, my reason for being. I also lost my bestfriend; my sister, the only one who knows everything about me. And the worst part is that it doesn't mean anything to them, because they have eachothers now. They don't suffer like I do, don't feel the pain that I feel.

Sam isn't in love with me anymore.

He doesn't love me.

He loves Emily.

Emily. My Emily. My sister.

How could this happen to me? I guess I'm not supposed to be happy.

"Leah?"

I sighed. I had almost forgot about my mom.

"Yeah."

The door opened and my mom walked in. She closed the door behind her before sitting down beside me on my bed.

"Leah.."

She took my hand and hold it in both hers.

"I know this is hard for you. But.. You shouldn't be so hard on Emily."

I gave my mom an angry glance.

"It's not her fault, Leah."

My mom tried to smile at me.

"NOT HER FAULT?"

I put my hands out of my moms and stood up. I started to walk around in my room, trying to calm down.

"She feels almost as bad about this as you do."

I couldn't understand how my mom of all people could be sitting here, trying to tell me that it's not Emilys fault that I've lost everything I lived for.

Okay, it's not basically her fault.. But still, he loves her now. He, who used to love me, and who I love more than my own life.

And she's feeling bad? Yeah, sure.

"Mom, don't tell me she's feeling bad, when she doesn't. He loves her, he's hers. She has everything I used to have. She has everything I want. DO NOT TELL ME SHE'S FEELING BAD!"

I cried now. Tears run down my face and I don't even care to wipe them away.

"Mom, please.. I can't talk about them."

Without saying anything, my mom stood up to give me a hug.

"Mom, please.."

She hugged me tighter, before letting me go.

"What, baby?"

She stroke my cheek.

"Tell Emily to stop calling. I can't take it now. I'm not ready."

My mom nodded.

"I'm so sorry. I thought -"

I shook my head.

"Just don't talk about them and tell Emily not to call anymore. I'll call her when I'm ready."

Emily didn't call me again after that. I guess my mom told her, and she decided to give me the time I needed. She knows me better than anyone, so she knows that I'll talk to her when I'm ready. But I don't know if I ever will be ready for it. Right now, it doesn't feel so.

Right now it feels like I never will be strong enough to ever see them again. Even if I know I have to, sooner or later.

After another week, I went back to school. The first day, all eyes were on me, of course. Everyone knew what had happened, why I hadn't been at school for two weeks. They all knew that my boyfriend had fell in love with my cousin, and that they were together now and I'm left all alone, like an old and ugly doll. They don't stare at me anymore, but I can still hear the whispers sometimes. I'm glad they don't know anything about the pregnancy.. yet.

I have actually seen Emily and Sam a few times. But as soon as I saw them, I turned around and walked another way. The first time I saw them together was hard and I had to effort to not start to cry, right outside the little shop in La Push. When I got home and was safe from eyes and whispers, I cried. I cried the whole evening and night, until I fell asleep.

My belly has grown a bit, but not that much that people has begin to notice. I wear hoodies to hide it, and some people has their own thoughts and theories about it. Some of them actually makes me laugh. Nicole, in my math class, thinks it's because I've cut my wrists. I heard her say it to her best friend, Jessica.

A month.. and nothing from Emily since my mom told her not to call. Even if I know she's not calling because she wants to give me some time, I can't stop thinking that maybe she doesn't care about me anymore. And Sam hasn't called at all, I haven't heard anything from him since that day. After all these years, after everything we've been through.. How could it be so easy for him?, when it's so hard for me.

Anyway, I guess I have to face them soon. At least Emily... But it's nothing I'm looking forward to. Just something I know I have to do.


	4. To love with a broken heart

AN: This chapter was pretty hard to write.. But I did my best. It's 4am here now so I'm going to bed, haha. Anyway, I hope you guys like it. Review and tell me what you think.

xx Ew

* * *

It was thursday, and the rain was pouring outside. I was in the week of 18 now and I sat in the car on the road to the hospital in Forks. My mom sat beside me, driving. We were both silent. My mom was upset because I wanted to go to the hospital in Forks, she said it was better midwives in Olympia and Seattle, but I wanted it to be close to home. In case that it would go very fast when I'm about to give birth to my baby. It's a long drive to both Olympia and Seattle, Forks was just 10 minutes away.

"You don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

I looked at my mom, who didn't look away from the road.

"I want to come with you. I just don't think you should go to Forks."

I didn't understand what this all "the hospital of Forks sucks" were about. I thought it was great. Nice doctors and nurses. And my midwife seems great.

"I still don't get it. What's your problem with Forks, mom?"

She didn't answered, so I continued.

"I don't want to be so far away from the hospital. It's a long drive to Olympia and Seattle and I don't want to take the risk to give birth to my baby in the car. And there's nothing wrong with Forks. AND, it's not your choice to make."

My mom sighed, but didn't say anything.

A few minutes later, she pulled in to the parking lot outside the hospital. I went out of the car, and walked towards the door, without waiting for my mom. When I came to the waiting room, I sat down on a couch. It was really uncomfortable, an unsuccessfully, I tried to change my position, to make it more comfortable. After a minute, my mom came in and sat down beside me.

A few minutes later, my midwife came and called my name.

"Leah."

She smiled at me, and both me and my mom walked with her to a room.

"You can lay down there, Leah."

She gestured to the hospital bed that stood and took the most of the place in the room. I did as she told me and my mom put herself down on the chair beside me. I couldn't stop myself to think that it was as it was supposed to be, Sam would've been sitting there instead of her, holding my hand and be as excited as me to see our baby for the first time. A wave of pain washed over me, and I couldn't breathe. My mom saw the panic in my eyes, and put my hand in hers.

"It's okay Leah. Everything's okay."

I didn't get the chance to answer her, because the midwife, well, her name is Naomi, came. She had put on rubber gloves, and in her hands she had a translucent gel. I pulled up my shirt, and she put her hands on my belly.

"Time to see your baby for the first time."

She smiled.

"Are you excited?"

I nodded.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?"

She put her hands of me, and turned around to get the machine.

I had been thinking of it, if I wanted to know if it's a boy or a girl. And I had decided I wanted it to be a surprise, so I shook my head.

"I want it to be a surprise."

I smiled at her and she smiled back. She put the machine on my belly.

"Is grandma excited, too?"

Naomi looked at my mom.

"Yes, of course. I just think she could wait a few years.."

I sighed. It was so typically my mom.

"Look there, Leah"

She pointed at the screen I was already looking at.

"It's your baby."

Both me and my mom started to cry when we saw it on the screen. So tiny, so little, so beautiful, so perfect. Everything in the world seemed to disappear when I looked at my baby. My baby. I never thought that I could love someone so much before. Sam, okay.. But it was a different love. And now, it was an unrequited love. Sam had Emily, and I had my baby.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

Naomi looked at me and my mom and smiled.

I couldn't stop myself to think about what if all of this never had happened. I mean, with Sam and Emily. I guess Sam would've been here, holding my hand, instead of my mom. As excited as me, crying of the sight of our child.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on that little thing on the screen in front of me. The baby was, from now on, the most important thing in my life. I would fight for it, doing my best to give it what it deserves. And for a second or two, I was about to ask Naomi to look if she could see the sex. I didn't want to say "it" about my baby, I wanted to know the sex so I could call it something else. But I had decided to keep it as secret, a surprise.

I have to come up with a nickname.

"Do you want some photos?"

Naomi took some photos of the baby and gave them to me. She also told me that my baby is expected to come on September 19. It's April now.. So, just the summer, and then I'll have my baby with me.

In the car on our way back home, I couldn't stop looking at the photos in my hand.

"Mom, don't you think it looks like the baby fish Nemo in that disney movie?"

I showed her the picture. She looked quickly, before turning her head back to the road.

"Yes, maybe.."

And then, it hit me. I could call "it" Nemo. It was a bit cute, too.

"It's Nemo."

I looked at the photo once again.

"What?"

My mom looked at me, confused.

"I'll call it Nemo, until it's born and I know if it's a boy or a girl."

My mom smiled.

"Nemo is cute. Have you thought about any names yet?"

I looked at the road, considered if I should tell her the truth or not. I actually already have decided the names, but I'm not sure I wanted to tell her yet. I decided to wait, so I shook my head.

"Nope."

When we got home and I saw who's standing outside the front door, I didn't want to get out of the car. I was about to ask my mom to drive away, when she took my hand and looked at me.

"It's been almost two months. Please, try to talk to her.."

I looked angry at my mom.

"Did you know anything about this? You planned this with her, didn't you?"

My mom shook her head.

"Of course not, baby.."

I opened the door without even thinking. I guess I'd rather talk with Emily than staying in the car with my mom. I walked towards the door and Emily, and when I was so close to her that we could touch each other if we wanted to, she carefully smiled at me.

"Leah."

I stared at her.

"What are you doing here?"

She reached out her hand towards me, but change her mind and put it down again.

"You already know what I'm doing here. I want to talk to you.."

She looked at my mom, who walked towards us, then back at me.

"Please, lets go somewhere.."

I nodded. Emily smiled and walked towards the forest. Before I followed her, I gave the photos to my mom.

"Be careful. Don't get upset. Think of the baby."

I nodded. Emily had noticed that I wasn't walking behind her, so she had stoped walking and waited for me. When I was beside her we walked together towards the forest. While we were walking, we didn't say anything. When we were out of sight from my house, we stayed and Emily turned around to face me.

"Lee,"

She began to talk.

"Don't call me that."

I interruped her.

"Well, okay.. Leah."

She began again, and I waited for her to continue. I was actually a bit curious about what she would say to me.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know how it happened.. It happened so fast.. I never never meant to hurt you.."

Even if I had promised myself not to, I started to cry.

"No, Lee.. Sorry, it's just that I'm used to call you that. Leah, please, don't cry.."

In that moment, I wanted to throw myself into her arms, letting her comfort me, like she always used to do. I hadn't realize how much I really missed her. I had been too busy by missing Sam.

But I controlled myself.

"Emily.."

I tried to say something, but all I could say was her name. She waited for me to continue, and I tried to.. But I couldn't.

"I understand that you don't want to talk to me, I do. And you don't have to. All you have to do, is listen. Listen to me and hear what I have to say."

I nodded.

"I love you, Leah. You're like my sister. You've always been. I understand if you can't look at me at the same way anymore, but it doesn't mean that I can't do it about you. When I look at you - I still see my sister. And it's killing me that I'm the one who put you in this situation, and causes you so much pain."

She paused for a second and took a deep breath.

"If you don't already hate me, so do it. Hate me with everything you are. If I know you right, you're probably thinking that all of this happened because you don't deserve us.."

She was right. And I wasn't suprised. She know me better than anyone. For almost two months I've been thinking that it's all my fault. That they are too good for me.. and that's why I couldn't have them anymore. They aren't mean to be with me. They are both the best in the whole world, and that's why they belong together - and not with me.

"I can see it in your eyes. I can see that you blame yourself. But do NOT do that, Leah. It's not you who don't deserve us - it's we who don't deserve you."

I shook my head in protest.

"It's easy for you to say. You have each other. You didn't lose the two most important persons in your life. You lost me, and got each other. Don't say you don't love Sam like I do, and don't say he loves you like he used to love me."

I took a deep breath, before I continued.

"And I wish I could hate you. I wish I could hate Sam. But I can't. Isn't it strange? How you both could break my heart and I still love you with all the thousands little pieces that's left of it?"

I couldn't take it anymore, so I turned around and ran towards the house. I heard Emily calling my name behind me, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be in my room again, safe in my bed, far away from Emily and Sam. While I ran, I could feel Nemo move inside of me. I put my hand on my belly, and felt a kick against it.

_Don't worry, Nemo. Mommy's okay, as long as I have you._


	5. Months that passed by

AN: Hello everyone! I actually don't have anything special to say before you read this chapter.. but one thing I want to ask you. After you have read this chapter, can you please send me a message, and tell me if you want Nemo to be a boy or a girl. I really can't decide.. So if you want to make sure that Nemo is what you want it to be, tell me! But not in a review, because then it won't be a surprise when you can read what the others want, haha. I won't count the "votes" in the reviews. But please leave a review too! And make me happy, haha. ^^

I promise I'll update as soon as I get the chance to write.

xx

Ew.

**

* * *

MAY **

Another month passed by, and everyone at school knew that I'm pregnant now. It surprised me how easy it has been to ignore all the glances and whispers. It was so much easier than it was when they just had got to know that it was over between me and Sam. I guess it's because this new is a good one, and the other couldn't have been worse. I was so happy about Nemo, so happy that sometimes, I could forget to think about Sam and how much I miss him. After the talk with Emily, the both of them did their best to not be at a place where I could be. But Sam called sometimes and talked to my mom or dad, asking them about Nemo. I know I have to face him sooner or later.. but it's better this way, now.

The summer holidays are finally coming up. It feels weird, that I won't come back to school next year, that I'll be taking care of a baby instead. When my classmates are at school, studying, I'll change diapers and dry baby puke. I still haven't decided if I'll go back to high school to do my senior year when Nemo is old enough for kindergarten. But I have lots of time to think about that. It's nothing I have to decide yet.

Nemo moves inside of me all the time, kicking me at night so I don't get any sleep. I hope Nemo will let me sleep when s/he's here.

_Please, be a nice baby, Nemo._

Seth bought Nemos first body a week ago. A black one, with a wolf on it and a text that says "hungry like the wolf".

* * *

**JUNE  
**  
It's been another month now. The school's over, but it barely feels like summer. It rains almost everyday. Sometimes I wonder why our ancestors chose to stay here, or why we have to stay here. When I was little, I dreamed of moving to California or Florida. I begged my parents all the time. But my dad said that he couldn't leave La Push because there's no other place in the world that never would feel like 'home'. My mom said nothing. To her, dad always had, and still has, the last word. If Nemo wants to move from La Push one day, I won't say no. And I don't care if Sam has anything to say about it. Maybe a move would be good for me. But I can't leave La Push right now, not without my family, not when dad's sick.

My dad has spent a lot time at the hospital recently. It's something with his heart, we still don't know what.. But I can't even imagine a move right now. So, I'm staying in La Push.

I actually have talked to Sam, too. On the phone. It did hurt as much as I thought it would. We talked about Nemo, and baby stuffs. He asked if I had picked out a stroller, and said he wants to pay for it.

"Leah, I'm so sorry about all this.. But I want you to know that I won't leave the baby, or you, behind. I'll be there, always, for the both of you."

When he said it, I had to say goodbye and hang up. I couldn't take it. Of course I'm happy he'll be there for Nemo, but it hurts that we won't be the family I thought we would, when I found out I was pregnant. Before all this happened, I had imagine our life together with our baby. Laughters, smiles, hugs, kisses.. The three of us, together. Always.

* * *

**JULY**

In the middle of July, I went to Seattle with mom and Seth. We bought baby clothes and a crib. We also found a cheap babysitter that we also bought. I looked after a stroller, but didn't find anyone I liked.

Luckily, my dad felt better now, too. But they'll will call him for another controll in October.. And if he starts to feel bad again, his doctors said he has to go right to the hospital. I hope he won't have to. I'm scared of losing him, that's nothing I'm ready for now - and won't be in many years.

I went to the beach one night too, with my "ex" classmates. It was fun. We lit a bonfire, and Victor had brought his guitar with him. He played it for hours, and we all sang along. We joked a lot, and I could laugh again, after a very long time in tears and darkness. They didn't mention Sam, but they asked some questions about Nemo. Which date Nemo is expect to come, if I knew if it's a boy or a girl, and which names I've been thinking about. I told them Nemo is expected to come in the beginning of October, and that I don't know the sex. I lied when I said that I haven't thought about any names, because I've already decided which name I'll give Nemo, both boy and girl. They asked me what I want it to be, a boy or a girl. But it really doesn't matter. Anyway, they all seemed very happy for me. But I don't know, maybe they just pretended to be. But I don't give a shit about what they think.

I also had another ultrasound. I saw Nemo for the second time, and s/he was even more beautiful than the last time. Nemo didn't look as much as Nemo anymore, more like a baby. Both me and mom cried when we saw the baby on the screen, again.

"It looks like Nemo has Sams nose."

I began to cry even more. Since I got pregnant, I wished that the baby would get everything from Sam, and nothing from me. My mom took my hand.

"Nemo is beautiful, Leah."

I couldn't do anything but agree with her. _Nemo really was beautiful_.

I got new pictures of Nemo, and I gave one of them to Sam. I kept the other two, and put one of them in a frame that's standing at my night stand, and the other is one is on the fridge, with help of a refrigerator magnet, shaped as a heart.

* * *

**AUGUST**

It's august now, and only a little more than one month left. I'm really big now, and I'm so tired of being pregnant. Almost everything is finished and ready for Nemo. The crib is standing next to my bed, and the clothes are in the closet. I know it's a little bit early, but I can't wait.

I found the perfect stroller, and it's standing in the basement. It surprised me that Sam actually paid for it. He also bought a baby car seat, so we have something to bring Nemo in when we'll go home from the hospital.

Yesterday when I talked to Sam on the phone, he asked me if there's a possibility that he may can be there during labor. I didn't know what to say, because I hadn't thought about it. So I told him that I would think about it and tell him as soon as possible.

So that's what I'm doing now - thinking about labor and giving birth to my baby.

Naomi, my midwife, has asked me how I want my labor to be, who I want to be there, which stun and painkillers I want to use.. The only person I thought about would be with me, is my mom. I actually never thought about Sam, not after what happened. Naomi told me that I'm the one who must feel comfortable, with the persons who will be there during giving birth. And I don't know if I can feel comfortable if Sam's there. But I also know that Nemo is his child too, and it wouldn't be more than right if he is there. It's a big day and moment for him, as well. I don't think it would be nice (or right) of me to take it away from him.

I thought of Nemo.. And what my friends had asked me at the beach.

Do you want the baby to be a boy, or a girl?

It really didn't matter to me. Sometimes, when I was thinking of Nemo, I saw a boy. A boy who looked exactly like his dad. The same black hair, and dark eyes, nose and mouth. But sometimes, I even saw a girl, who also looked exactly like Sam, but with more hair, of course. I never imagined a child looking like me.

I thought of the names.. What if Sam won't agree? What if he wants to decide the names, too? Without even thinking about it, I came up with a solution.

I called Sam, to talk about it. He answered after just a few seconds.

"Sam.. You want to be there during labor, right?"

I didn't wait for him to answer.

"I let you.. on one condition."

I smiled to myself when I waited for him to say something.

"Okay.. What's your condition?"

"I want to decide the names."

When we hung up, I smiled even wider. He had agreed to my condition, and both of us were happy.

* * *

**SEPTEMBER**

Weeks passed by, and finally it was only _**10 days left**_.


	6. AN

**Sorry, I haven't update for so long, I've been busy.. But it's coming soon, I promise! And I'm sorry, but I have to tell you this:**

**KRISTEN AND TAYLOR ARE IN STOCKHOLM TOMORROW AND I'LL BE THERE! It's sooo AMAZING! I'm so happy. ^^**

Aaand, btw.. Happy birthday Edward =) 109, not that bad, haha.

BYE EVERYONE, =) Love you! And remember, it's not too late to tell me if you want Nemo to be a boy or a girl.


	7. Giving birth

HELLO EVERYONE =) First, I want to tell you how sorry I am for not updating for so long. I told you it would come a new chapter right after I was back from Italy, but lots of things came in the way.. But now I'm back, and I hope you can forgive me. Anyway, this is the chapter you all have been waiting for, I hope you'll enjoy it. It took me a whole day to write it.. Review and tell me what you think about it, please. I'll update soon again, I promise.

xx, Ew.

* * *

"She's beautiful."

My mom was standing beside my hospital bed, with my daughter in her arms. She looked down at her with tears of joy in her eyes. I smiled when I looked at them, knowing my mom would be the best grandma my daughter ever could have.

It all started last night. I got contractions around 6 o'clock. I didn't care at first, I was used to it because I have had it the last couple of days. But by time the pain was getting worse, and the contractions became more frequent. I told my mom around 9:30, and she called the hospital. They told us to wait a while before we go there, so I decided to take a bath. In the hot water the pain wasn't that bad and I could relax.

When I got up an hour later, my mom had called Sam, he told her that he had to take care of something, and that he would meet us at the hospital when he was done. I didn't like it, to me it sounded like that 'something' was more important than our baby.

Anyway, when I was dressed, my mom and I went to the hospital. That car ride was the worst in my life. I screamed so loud when I had contractions that my mom told me that I would make her deaf. When we arrived to the hospital, it took me almost ten minutes to walk to the door. But when we finally were indoors, mom got me a wheelchair.

We got a room, and a midwife came to examin me. She checked my blood pressure and weight. How much I weigh made me depressed. With a CTG test she checked the babys heart sound and how dense and strong my contractions were. It should have been embarrassing when she checked how open I was, but the pain didn't let me even to think about it. She gave me some pain killers, told me it was too early for epidrual. I also had to provide a urine sample. When she got it, she left me and mom alone. I wanted to call Sam, but my mom told me to wait, that he was coming soon enough. And he did. A half hour later, he rushed into the room.

After Sam came, the time passed by pretty fast. I got epidrual and all the pain dissappeared, and I could finally exhale. Two hours later, after 30 minutes pushing, I held my baby in my arms for the first time.

Her eyes were big and she had lots of black hair. Her nose looked like a button. She had my lips, but everything else she had got from Sam.

She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

"So, what do you want to call her?"

Back to reality. My mom still stood beside my bed with the baby in her arms, but now she looked at me with her big tearful eyes.

I still haven't told anyone about her name, but I guess it's the time now. Sam's in the cafeteria to buy something to eat. I guess he's calling Emily, too.

"Samantha."

I can tell my mom reacted to the name. Sam, Samantha - of course she did. She looked down at Samantha. A minute later she looked at me again.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

"She looks like him. It fits her."

My mom didn't say anything more, because Samantha woke up and cried. She was hungry, so my mom gave her to me.

"Have you thought about any middle names?"

I looked at my mom, but when I was about to answer, Sam came in.

"Hi."

He sat down in the chair next to my mom.

"I called Emily. She greets congratulations and everything."

Neither me and my mom said anything. I just looked down at Samantha.

"Sam, before you came we were talking about names."

My mom looked at Sam, knowing he would be happy about the name I've given our daughter.

"Yeah, Leah is the one to decide. Tell me."

I looked at my mom, then at Sam, and my mom again. I swallowed before I said it, this time all her names.

"Sue Samantha Faith Uley-Clearwater."

When I said "Sue" first, my mom got tears in her eyes again.

Sam was confused, so I said her name again, this time only her first name.

"Samantha."

I smiled, and looked at him.

"She looks exactly like you.. It fits her."

"Thank you, Leah."

He smiled back at me, and a tear ran down his cheek.

"I better go and call your dad, Leah."

Without another word, my mom went out from the room. Sam moved his chair closer to my bed. We looked at the baby in my arms, she was still eating, and for a while it felt like we were that family I dreamed about when I got to know that I was pregnant, before everything changed. But far too soon I was forced back to reality.

"You know, Emily misses you."

I don't want to talk about Emily. Of course I miss her too. I'm not insensitive.

"It's okay to be angry with me, Leah. But please, don't blame Emily. It's not her fault."

I looked at him.

"Please, I don't feel like talking about this right now."

I wanted to enjoy this moment with Samantha, not cry over Sam and Emily. Thanks to them, I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy - I won't let them take this moment away from me too. Samantha was done eating so carefully I lift her up to hold her against my shoulder. My mom had told me she had to burp so she won't throw up. Sam watched us all the time.

"Can I hold her?"

I nodded and Sam reached out his arms.

"Just be careful."

He hold her against his chest and started to walk around in the room.

"Hello daddys little princess."

He bent down to kiss her forehead.

"You're beautiful, Samie. So beautiful."

A diaper change and ten minutes later my mom was back. Sam kissed Samanthas forehead again before giving her to my mom. He said he had some important things to do and that he would be back tomorrow. It was already 5pm, and my daughter was already 14 hours old.

"Your dad and Seth are coming.", my mom told me. "How are you feeling? Are you tired?"

It had been a long night and day, and I was pretty tired. I didn't need to answer, my mom could see how tired I was.

"If you're too tired, I can call them -"

"No, it's okay. They can come. They have to meet their granddaughter and niece."

I smiled.

Twenty minutes later, dad and Seth walked into the room.

"Congrats sis!", Seth said with a grin. "Where's my baby niece?"

He looked around the room and found her in my moms arms. While Seth sat down beside my mom, my dad came to give me a hug.

"Congratulations to the baby, Leah."

He kissed my forehead.

"I can't believe you're a mom."

I laughted.

"And you're a grandpa."

He smiled at me, before turning his face to the baby in my moms arms.

"How about me? I'm an uncle!"

Seth looked down at the baby.

"It's bigger than becoming a mom and granpa."

He looked at me.

"Too bad it wasn't a boy. It would've been more fun."

I glared at him, and he hurried to continue.

"But a girl is pretty good, too."

He looked at my mom.

"Can I hold her?"

My mom carefully gave Samantha to him and Seths face broke up in a smile as he looked down at her.

"Wow, she's beautiful."

We laughted.

"Thanks, Seth."

Both me and my parents watch Seth as he sat with Samantha in his arms and whispered some things to her.

"I'm your uncle, and as you grow up we're going to spend much time together. You see, I don't want you to grow up and become as boring as your mommy. But it's okay, you have me. I'm the funniest guy you'll ever know. I'll teach you everything I can."

After Seth, it was my dads turn to hold Samantha. He, like my mom did earlier today, cried tears of joy when he looked down at her. They loved her, all three of them. But how couldn't they?

She was so beautiful; so tiny and helpless. I never believed that I could love someone so much, that a body could hold so much love. I'd do anything for her - I'd die for her, over and over again. My daughter, my beautiful little baby. My Samantha.

When Samantha woke up, hungry, in my dads arms, they decided to give me some time alone with her, so they went home. But mom would come back tomorrow and then I and Samantha are going home with her.

* * *

Name: Sue Samantha Faith Uley-Clearwater  
Day of birth: October 6, 2003  
Time: 02:28 a.m.  
Length: 19,1 inches (49 centimeters)  
Weight: 7 pounds, 8 ounces (3400 grams)

* * *

Don't forget to leave a review!


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